"They say every man needs protection, they say every man must fall."

I say everyone needs breakfast.

Some people like porridge in the morning. Others prefer a bacon butty.

Personally, I like a cup of coffee. But my day is ruined if I don't have my biscuit.

Funny old life isn’t it?

Problem²

How do you respond if someone comes to you just for a listening ear, when what you normally do is give advice and offer solutions?

Well, what I do is I give them my advice anyway and then try to persuade them into taking it. And if at first they seem reluctant to get a move on, I persuade a little more, thereby in all probability adding to their stress rather than alleviating it. There is a word for this - and the word is “irritating.”

Maybe it’s because my environment in the past ten years, firstly through failing physical health and latterly working as an equality activist, has forced me (against my lazy nature) to confront and solve problems on a daily basis, but I only seem to have one mode of operation now – which is to charge in with all guns blazing.

So, while I am quite good at empathy, I am rubbish at sympathy and find it very hard to give patient, unqualified support.

But life is teaching me. The hard way.

Maybe in another 50 or so years, I’ll have got the hang of it!

From Worse To BADD

OK folks. Tempted back in to the blogosphere by the irresistible lure of BADD, I have three anecdotes to share which emphasise just how far we haven’t come in the fight for social justice:

A friend of mine who is in the army had a serious accident while on manoeuvres which resulted in a permanent loss of function, as well as persistent chronic pain, in his shoulder and upper back.
His end-of year performance appraisal was one of the most shocking things I have read in a long while, jam packed with disablist rhetoric and attributing alleged poor attendance for the ensuing year to the “fact” that he had “injured himself” (not sustained an injury) and was “using this” to get out of things he didn’t want to do. This is the kind of discrimination that DDA would prohibit – if only the army wasn’t exempt.
Actually what troubled me at least as much is the number of people who, on hearing this story, agree that the armed forces should be exempt because “you can’t have people in wheelchairs on the front line.” This is of course quite true in most cases, but singularly fails to grasp the meaning of either “reasonable” or “adjustment”.

Tee hee. Reporting for duty, Sah!

And then, last night, when I was playing in the house band at a charity event - which explains the belated nature of these bloggings - I found that I had arrived too late to use the single accessible parking bay at the venue, as there was already someone parked there. So, after unpacking the equipment from the car, I announced that I was just going a couple of miles down the road(!) in the hope of finding a parking space. Whereupon, a nice young lady said, “That’s my car in the disabled bay – hang on a second and I’ll move it”
Having, of course, checked said car on the way in, and spotting that it did in fact have a blue badge in the windscreen, I responded that she needn’t bother; after all she was as entitled to use the bay as I am. To which she replied “No, it’s OK. It’s not my badge; I only put it on display because I was in that bay.”

Of course, some abuses are more permissible than others...

And finally, a story about the local office of a UK Government department, which has come up with a new policy which – whether by accident or design – places all sorts of cumbersome and unfair bureaucratic obstacles in the way of staff and visitors who are genuinely mobility-impaired, covered by DDA and need accessible close-proximity parking spaces.
When challenged about the equity of the policy, the senior manager responsible for it said, “Well, the disabled get such an enormous financial advantage from our provision of parking bays that they must be prepared to put up with some inconvenience. These are the rules, and I’m not changing them.”

To which the local trade union representative responded “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!”
Well, I wasn’t looking for career progression anyway ;<)

Tara. See you next May (if not before)!

Disabili'y, innit?

One step forward… and two steps back!

Up with the lark (who, fortunately, had a bit of a lie-in) this morning, I found myself running an early(ish) errand which, in turn, led me to the house of Ronald McDonald for sticky sustenance in the form of pancakes and syrup.

Preferring the human interface to place my order, rather than discuss my nutritional requirements with the disembodied voice emanating from atop a metal pole, I parked the Rolls in the car park prior to toddling in to the emporium.

Now, it’s been quite a long time since I last visited a “Maccies”, (as the esteemed outlet is known around these parts) so imagine my delight on discovering that the extra wide parking bays adorned with a wheelchair symbol, which I habitually use, are now designated as “Accessible Parking”.

All of which leads me to a phrase which I never thought I would utter, namely “Respect to McDonalds.”

Considerably fewer Brownie Points though to the syndicated news reader who last night informed his radio audience that the ineffably dim but ultimately harmless Jade Goody is to marry her boyfriend on Saturday – "despite suffering from terminal cancer!”
I still can’t decide whether we are winning the battle or losing.

More Monkey Business...

If this isn't true, it should be!

Monkeys like bananas...

Put eight monkeys into a room in the middle of which is a ladder leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, spray all of the monkeys with ice-cold water. This makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. It is not long until none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

Then remove one of the original monkeys and replace him with a new monkey who has not yet been involved. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, the new monkey will wonder why none of the others is doing the obvious and begin to climb the ladder.

The other monkeys will immediately fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he will no longer attempt to climb the ladder.

Now remove and replace a second original monkey . Again, the newcomer will attempt to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys will hammer the crap out of him - including the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, replace all of the original monkeys. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them has ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them will attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having the faintest idea why.

And that is how most company policies are formulated.

Not the only fruit...

I have a mobile phone. However, unlike those of most people I know, mine is quite elderly. It doesn’t have a colour screen, nor will it play MP3s as ring tones. It has no camera, no Internet access and is on “Pay-as-you-go” rather than a contract. I use it, not for chatting but for making essential phone calls when I am out of the house plus occasional text messages. When our beloved chancellor reduced the rate of VAT last year, I kind of thought that for my standard top-up I would now get a couple of extra minutes or an extra text for my money. But oh no; not with my service provider!

However, after two months, the good folk at Orange have finally broken silence to announce that, instead of passing on the reduction in VAT, they are running a promotion called ‘The Orange Phone Fund’ which will allow me to get a posh new phone at a knock-down price.

Essentially, what this amounts to is an involuntary, contributory savings scheme. For every £10 I spend, they will kindly set aside £1 in my name which I can put towards the purchase of a new phone from the Orange Shop. This, I accept, is equivalent to 4 times the VAT rebate, so I presume they have calculated that less than a quarter of their customers will avail themselves of this promotional offer in the allotted time. However, the amount thus hypothecated must be used within 12 months or it will be lost.

Fact: My present phone is 5 years old and cost £15. It works just fine.

Fact: I “top up” at a rate of approximately £10 per month so, after the first year, I will start to lose as much as I gain each month and my total “saving” will never rise above £12.

Fact: After the fuss the local Orange franchise caused me last time with their hype and lies during the week before I bought my present phone from Dixon's, I will never, ever, buy a phone from an Orange shop even if I do stay on their network.

So the modest rebate from the chancellor remains firmly in Orange’s pockets, which should help to boost their modest operating profits if not thrill their customers.

Incidentally, I first signed up to Orange when they were offering double credits for every top up over £20. So a one-off £50 top-up got me £100 credit and lasted nearly a year. Over time however, the “juicy worm rate” 100% bonus decreased to 20% and then disappeared all together.

I noticed tonight that Tesco Mobile Network is currently offering a 200% bonus on top-ups of over £15 - which means that I could fund my present annual expenditure for just £40.Here, Wormy Wormy!!

Computer Maintenance

I don't often read computer magazines, as they seem to be frequented mainly by people who ... err... don't get out much!

However I was attracted to one recently by its "cover disc" which seemed to contain some useful utilities, one of which was so impressive I have embedded it in this posting for you to use. It takes seconds to use and I guarantee that it will improve the operation of your mouse or mouse-pad, irrespective of brand or type. Don't worry, it's freeware and is fully virus checked.

You should recalibrate your mouse at least once a year; more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer.

I was shocked to see how well this works, and how far off mine was!


To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the I below, then move the mouse toward the T.
If it doesn't work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse or pad, as the calibration is off.



I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT, YOU IDIOT



I'm sure you will also recommend this to all your friends once you see how much more smoothly and effectively your mouse works after this simple recalibration.